For this reason I'm changing this blog from French to English in order to keep up with my English.
But that's not the point of this post.
Since I've been back to france, I kinda feel lost, lost in transition. Indeed, moving from a country to another involves been in a transition period for a little while.
First, a new job. It's a much bigger transition than I expected! Indeed, you're in a brand new environment, with brand new rules ... or in my case much less rules than I used to have in my previous company that was a big corporation vs. today's small but ever growing company.
A new ambiance: people are much more straight forward; is it due to the fact they are all French ? Or that there are only men (only 1 other girl besides me) in my section of the company? Not sure yet, may be a bit of both.
In a way I'm loving the straightforwardness because that's how I function too. But how silly as it may sound, I'm no longer used to it and find my-self stunned when someone is straight with me or when I see to people arguing (not in a mean way but still with slightly raised voices) on a subject yet still being mates afterwards!
Got to find a new way to get organised: it's not a bad thing for me since it was THE reproach I always got back at my old job.
I'm doing the best I can to keep up, using the tools I had been shown previously and I had never managed to use until now as my bad habits kept coming back. So far, it's been easier as everything is new so necessitates a different organisation. I just hope I'll keep up when it gets way busier!
Living place: the place where I'm living, it being at my parents' is of all the biggest transition. It's only temporary, while we get our other temporary place ready.
Yes you read well, another temporary place! Although we'll be staying quite a while (we actually don't know yet for how long), it will still be temporary because it isn't our own place.
But to get back to our first temporary place, my parents', it ended up being more difficult to adapt than I expected. It's my parents' place, where I lived for something like 11 years, so I thought I'd find my marks very easily. But it's different now, I'm different, I'm an adult with my own way of living, of doing things. Most of things feel odd now. It no longer is my place as well as my parents', it feels like living at some strangers - or more to say- at some friends place: although I'm having a hard time adapting to their ways, I understand them because I know and understand how my parents function.
So I guess it's easier than it could have been at some real strangers' place yet it isn't as much as I expected.
Family: now that we have our own little family, me, my man and our little daughter, being apart is difficult.
We had to be apart when we were students, for 6 months then 3, but isn't the same. Being a family grew us even closer, increased the dependence we have of each other, not only to take care of the little one, but for our whole life.
A new life means reorganising how we function and everything around it, we need to take decisions together. Taking decisions when you're two is already difficult, then try when you're apart, it's such a headache! Thank god for all the technology, phones and internet!
But it doesn't replace a good face to face discussion, looking at whatever you both wish together.
Getting the next temporary place ready is such a mess! Between the work we have to do in the place and the choice and purchase of some of the furniture...
Not only that, things like getting a new car, deciding on a childminder,...
Oh and all of it considering the fact that in that new country we're moving in (or country of origin yet...) everything is closed after 7pm and on Sundays. This leaves on Saturdays to do ALL those things I have to do because I work during the week! Even most of the home & building material shops and car dealers are closed on Sundays!
It makes the task almost impossible to get things ready on time for our first move from England to Paris!
But I'm getting sidetracked. The biggest piece of our family is our daughter. She's being separated from her father and although she seems to adapt perfectly, better than me even, I can tell she misses him. She's more aggressive, hits instead of kissing and hugging, moreover with me. My parents who help a great deal looking after her say it's just a phase every baby go through. Then why do I have that strange feeling it's not just that, it's also because she needs her family reunited? Am I reflecting my needs on hers? I do miss her dad so much and I miss her a lot as well, because I come home so late and barely see her on mornings. Her aggressive behaviour doesn't help my feeling of losing her a bit in some ways...
So yes I do need my family back together, my life back on a smooth path. For the moment, I just feel lost in transition.
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